Update - 9/29

I’m feeling a tad bit overwhelmed. I’ve been wanting to write for a bit but either I was busy or not in the mood to write. Unfortunately, I put it off for so long that I feel like everything I was thinking belongs in like 3 or 4 different posts.

Anyway, I’ll dive in with an update. The self reflective posts may have to wait for another day which means I may no longer be inspired by then.

It’s been three weeks since I’ve been off birth control and I already feel a difference. I feel a bit less on edge emotionally then I use to. I feel a bit more comfortable then I use to. I’ve had other changes as well that coincided with getting off birth control, but I think I’m reacting to them better because I’m off. I’ve also started my belly dancing classes and signed up for my gym. Yesterday I even went to a step aerobics class. My god, I have such a long way to go before I get into shape. Though I’m still recovering from a mild case of Bronchitis, I didn’t want to let that affect my need to actually get up off my butt and do something. I figure I’ll go at working out more slowly, but I won’t quit it.

I had a happy sign this month. A few weeks after my period I had a slight pinching feeling on the left side of my lower abdomen. Basically, I was ovulating. It was something called Mittelshmerz and I have felt it before. Even while I was on birth control. That doesn’t mean I’m completely normal or that I’ll even get my period (though I am PMSing). But it does mean that at least I don’t have to stress about not ovulating. For a bit, I was happily terrified that I was pregnant since my PMS symptoms were accompanied by constipation (sorry about being so personal). But then I realized that constipation is probably due to the fact that I’m now on pre-natal vitamins to prepare my body. Regardless, I have a 3 pack of pregnancy tests sitting in my cabinet to take for missed periods and such. The only thing I’m doing that might be not such a great idea while pregnant is drinking a cup of coffee a day.

On topic with my health, I also went for some allergy testing earlier this week. So apparently, I’m allergic to EVERYTHING but dogs and food. Um, yeah. Thankfully, my doctor was nice and didn’t do what my other doctor had done by telling me to get rid of my cats. He strongly suggested I start getting allergy shots right away. I explained my concerns about the fact that I would be trying for a child soon. He then told me something that completely made my day. He told me that allergy shots were completely safe for pregnant and nursing women since it uses natural botanicals and builds my immunity to them. He told me that medicine could only maintain allergy symptoms. Allergy shots were going to help me either eliminate or at least alleviate my reactions to things. His greatest concern was my asthma. He wants to do something to get rid of it and my dependency on my inhaled steroid. It would be a pain at first. We’re talking about two shots or so a week at the beginning. But eventually, I would become more and more resistant. Of course, the process lasts 3 to 5 years. J was very very happy to hear about this possibility. He’s concerned not so much about how much I might whine for the next 5 years but how I’ll feel after that for the rest of my life. By the way, did I mention J is the one that put his foot down and told me to see an allergist ASAP? Yes, he’s very happy with himself at this moment. I guess that’s okay because I’m pretty happy with him myself too.


Okay, so there’s my update and I’ll have to do my self reflection posts at another time. Maybe this afternoon if I end up getting a chance.

Bursting

Oh My God!

I've had so many things running around in my brain and I'm bursting to post...and of course now I'm busy with work :/

Okay, back to work now.

All Over the Place

So things have slowed down at work and I’m able to actually think about something to post. I do this while listening to Alanis Moreissette who always takes me into a self reflective state of mind. It’s funny how many people consider her “angry” when her songs, for the most part, aren’t at all. It really bugs me when people take one aspect of her that became popular and identify her that way. Because of this, they lump anyone that appreciates her music into the “angry” woman category.

My parents come to visit this weekend. I’m really looking forward to seeing them! It’s been almost a year! It just happened that anytime we were ready to come visit, they were traveling. Then we got to the point where we just ran out of vacation time because of our trip to Europe and couldn’t get enough time off.

I decided to quit the gym I was part of. I realized that maybe the gym is the reason I’ve been slacking off even more. I just don’t really get excited going there. It’s “only” functional. Plus, I think it’s time for me to do something slightly different. And I just didn’t feel comfortable taking any type of class there.

I’m going to try a different gym that is smaller and actually costs more, but it’s a lot cuter and much cozier. I already signed up to go to Belly Dancing Classes every Saturday morning. I’ve taken Belly Dancing before and loved it. I had muscles ache in places where I thought I only had bone. But it was great! I miss dancing but I’m just not up for going “clubbing” anymore. I guess I’m just getting old. Plus, I married a white boy that is so not into “dancing”. It really is a good thing he’s so cute.

As far as anxiety levels, I feel them going down. I’m definitely sure it’s mental but I don’t know if it’s because I’ve stopped worrying about being 30 and getting off birth control pills, or the relief of getting my body off birth control pills. I’m a bit excited actually. I want to get to know who I am without artificially having hormones in my body. I know it sounds silly, but it’s true. I just remember being so different when I was in high school. Not totally in a good way but there were aspects of me that I tend to miss too. Now, 12 years later, I’ve had natural changes in my body chemistry and personality. I want to know who I am now. I guess it’s one of the reasons I’m not overly eager about getting pregnant right away. I wouldn’t mind giving myself at least a handful of months to just be.

Time to head out and grab some lunch. Hope everyone else is doing well!

Update - 9/7

I haven’t really been able to update in a while and if you’re one of those people that come here regularly, I apologize. I haven’t really been comfortable this month and therefore, couldn’t bring myself to actually verbalize much.

A quick update:

I am now officially off birth control pill and let me say that I am very very pleased about this. Not because I’m in a rush to start a family either. Ever since I started tri-phasic BCP (3 different hormone dosages) I’ve been pretty much a wreck. I spent my birthday sobbing into the phone while J assured me I was normal and wasn’t going crazy. I cried as if my heart was breaking but it wasn’t. It was horrible. I could not calm myself at all. I know J tends to get a bit impatient with me when I’m overly emotional (primarily due to the hormones) and I really don’t blame him. I get impatient with myself and he’s had to deal with this, on and off, for the past 2 years. But this Monday (my birthday) really affected him. I wasn’t being overly emotional. I just had absolutely NO control and it hit him really hard. He called me every hour after that to make sure I was okay. Thankfully, it’s over for now. I’m not going to say I’ll never get back on birth control again, but it definitely won’t be the first choice.

My trip to the OB/GYN went really badly. It was the first time I actually had issues with the way the doctor was. It wasn’t that she was a bad doctor. It was that she definitely wasn’t the calming influence that I need through this. I love my Primary Care Doctor so I’m going to go to her in a few weeks and get a referral to an OB/GYN in my area. I think I’ll just stay away from OB/GYN’s unless my doctor really thinks I need to see one.

I have plenty of other thoughts going on in my head, but I think I’ll leave them for another post.