An Update

This post will probably have quite a few digressions. I’m kind of just writing in whatever direction my thoughts take me.

So some people may consider me to be at the half way point by the end of this week. I’m in my 19th week and the baby is considered full term by 38 weeks (due date is normally on the 40th week). On a pessimistic note, the next 19 weeks are going to be SOOOO much longer. Keep in mind the first 5 weeks you don’t even know you’re in that state. Then you go through a few weeks of euphoria (unless you get morning sickness and in that case, it sucks to be you). At that point, reality started kicking in for me. It’s like my mother in law tells me, “everything has to be dramatic with you.” Funny enough, it’s something my mom would say to me. Hell, it’s something my husband says to me! This child has already given me so many grays that I’m seriously considering stopping at one. I’ve always had mild anxiety issues but I’m surprised that my health hasn’t suffered with how much this child is already causing. I’m also eternally grateful since my health issues turn into the child’s.

I’ve never been one to get emotional at big events. I feel things. I feel them deeply. But I tend to be matter of fact about many things as well while they’re happening. Like my wedding was fun and cool, not emotional to me at all. My marriage is, but my wedding wasn’t. It was just too much fun. But to this day I look at J and think “Wow, I’m actually his wife.” On Friday, we had our first Sonogram. Now I’ve heard many things about the 12 week Sonogram (that we didn’t have) and it seems to me that it would be kind of blah. I mean you see the heartbeat and a bit here and there, but not in much detail. I feel like this one allowed me to get to know my future child. The scratching his head and stretching his hands and fingers above his head. The burrowing deeper into me while the sonogram was pressing on him. Then of course there was the banging of his head against my bladder. In general, the experience was moving. It makes me smile and laugh even a few days later to think about it. He’s in there and he’s happily swimming around not knowing or caring about anything else. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, you read me right. I did say “He”.

So next weekend, my mom is coming out for the weekend to see me and spend some time with me. To be honest, she’s coming to give me a hug because I really need a mommy hug. I’m not ashamed to admit that my mommy means the world to me and even being married and 30 years old, I NEED her. I don’t really feel like going into detail but it’s been an emotionally tiring pregnancy already. Physically, I feel great aside from aches and pains (I call those growing pains since my abdomen is reaching retarded proportions already). Rest assured I have an awesome husband and family to help me through each trial. My husband is so great he actually called my mom and told her I needed her and if she could maybe fly down for a weekend. I don’t know what touches me more, that he made the effort to ask my mom for something (even if it was for me) or that he understands how much my mom’s presence means to me. He doesn’t know I know he did that but yeah, it warms my heart that he cares and worries so much too.
I’d like to apologize again for people that come by here regularly to see no update. I’ve just really been busy and had A LOT on my mind that I really wasn’t ready to talk about. Hope everyone else had a wonderful Holiday!