Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Backaches and their causes.

I must have gone through 2 weeks of PMS. The entire time cursing the fact that Birth Control Pills mess with you so much. I went through hot flashes and the works. Then, this weekend was supposed to have been the week I got my period. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting it. I mean it would be very unusual if I became regular all of a sudden. I knew what to do though. Sometime this week I would take a pregnancy test as a precaution and move on calmly waiting for my period. Except things weren’t quite calm. On Saturday I started getting really bad backaches. Stress related backaches. The kind where I wanted to cry. I had no idea what was going on. I mean I was stressed but why? What was bugging me? Then it hit me. Maybe I just needed to take the pregnancy test sooner and get it out of the way. Maybe much of the tension would leave me then.

Sunday evening comes around, no period still. I decide to go ahead and take a test. J lays down to take a nap since he has to work the night shift. I turn the shower on and take the test while I wait for the water to heat up. About 3 seconds after peeing on the stick, the line starts to appear. No, not the control like. THE line starts to appear. I stare at it in shock. I run outside to tell J that we have a slight problem. Yes, I woke him up. I explain to him that it seems I might be pregnant. The first question out of his mouth will go down in history and be told to everyone. He looks at me dumb founded and says “How do you know?” Um, yeah…so I give the obvious answer and say “The stick in the bathroom told me so!”

Two hours and two more tests later, I’m still shaking while J is still hiding beneath the covers pretending to sleep. I described it in a pervious post I made, “happily terrified”. That’s exactly how I felt. I came downstairs to sit for a bit and figured J needed some alone time too. I was petrified. I didn’t know what to think. I was so scared I would find out that it was a false positive. I was so scared that tomorrow I’d get my period and know that it was over. It was never meant to be. I was so scared of being happy. I mean, it wasn’t supposed to be this simple.

That night, J didn’t go to work and instead we sat there and thought about the future. I had to alternate between calming my fears and calming his fears. His concerns are the future and financial. My concerns are about getting through the first trimester. That night we realized that for now, this is what our roles would be. Though this does not stop him from lecturing me about getting enough sleep nor does this stop me from going on about saving up money and such.

Yesterday I went to the doctor and she explained that these home tests do not give false positives, only false negatives. She told me it was safe to be excited and it was safe to start planning. We will go through the formality of a blood test to determine the amount of the pregnancy hormone I have in my body which will help indicate what the exact time of conception was. But I think I already know.

I’m still terrified that something will go wrong. And I may end up being right. But I do have to accept that something did go right as well. And if that’s all I get to be happy about, you better believe I’ll find a way to be happy about it.

For those that know me outside of the blog (i.e. WoW), please keep this news to yourself for now? J and I haven’t decided when we’d like to share it with all of our friends. And for anyone that I know in RL, I’m so sorry I haven’t had the chance to tell you personally before you read it here. Things have just been a bit crazy.


Blogger javi said...

heyyyy you!
lol i went and created an entire blogger account JUST to be able to comment on your page. I'm just so excited for you! Alhamdulillah - this is such a blessing and i couldn't be happier for you guys. Enjoy this time - from what my mom tells me, each moment passes far too quickly. *hugs*

10:24 AM  
Blogger ToniM said...

OMG you're having a baby!! I am so happy for you. I hope everything continues to go well for you. *big hugs* :) :) :)

5:36 PM  
Blogger Adellyna said...

Uwaaaa Si! Congratulations! You and Rier will be awesome parents, I know it.

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Jen/Jeynora said...

Congratulations!! Oh so excited! Now you'll get all the crappy "assvice" as our IVF friends call it. ;)

11:02 AM  

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