Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Children Make life Better?

I came across this article on the web the other day and decided this needed to be blogged about. I had actually been sent something similar to this before, while I was pregnant too. Would it have changed my mind in wanting a baby, definitely not.

What it did do, as does this one, is make me feel less guilty for not thinking that life is perfect with a baby. First of all, this post is so not about complaining about being a mother in any way. I adore my son and I adore being his mother. I’m thoroughly enjoying being a kid with him again and especially enjoy watching him interact with others. But parenting is HARD. Just like marriage is HARD. And my biggest pet peeve is no one ever tells you how it’s hard. Everyone has lists of what a wonderful thing children are. I’m going to list a few reasons why having children is hard. The scary part is, Z is only 13 months!

Z slept wonderfully his first 6 months, then everything went to hell. It’s really hard to function on lack of sleep.
I miss being able to go to a movie because I just can. I miss being able to watch a movie uninterrupted (note #1, having to pause all the time because I have a restless sleeper is a bit of a pain).
I miss spending lots of time with my kitty cat. Though I do spend time with her, it’s not a priority anymore. She’s probably just fine with things the way they are but I miss her and feel badly about the situation.
I miss being able to make an effort to look good. I tend to not have the time I’d like to have to get ready to do things. Sometimes, it’s literally throwing something on and hoping it doesn’t have odd substances in places I hadn’t noticed.
I miss gaming. OMG do I miss gaming sometimes.

Now, because I do adore my son, some of the things I love about being a parent:

Snuggling with an adorably sleepy baby.
The Family bed: Mornings when I wake up to Me, J, Z, and the kitty cat.
The things that you’re forced to do because you have a baby/child, and find you actually really enjoy them. An example is going for walks around the neighborhood and in turn, making friends.
Watching him laugh at the silliest things (I think he went through a stage where he would giggle every time I sneezed).
Watching him run toward me on unsteady feet just for a hug.
Watching the two men in my life delight in each other.
Seeing my eyes in someone else’s face and knowing that I gave it to him.

But that’s just me on a personal level. Then there’s my relationship with J. I think our issues stem more from the fact that we don’t have time for the “relationship” the way we use to. We don’t have time to share activities we use to. As he gets older, it’ll be more that we’ll disagree with small things that have to do with taking care of him and raising him.

I think your happiness in having, or not having a child, has to do with a few things. First being choice. Not everyone has one. There are quite a few parents out there that have an “Oops” child. After that, it’s what you want out of life. I had this idea of what I wanted out of life and it included a child. Yes, things change and adapt as you grow and learn. But some things don’t. I knew I wanted a family. I know I want to travel. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with J and enjoy many adventures with him.

We’re in the process of potentially buying a new home. Something we can “grow” into. Let’s see how that works out.

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Anonymous V "aka tembleque91" said...

First off I saw your IM's but I was sick and well to make a long story short hugging the toliet and not hugging the computer.. lol

I think I have been fairly vocal with how hard child rearing is to my friends and family and whoever will listen lol. The whole dynamics of your life do change. I had my OOPS baby at 27 I was noo spring chicken but I sure felt like I was 15. lol I was used to having my freedome for years to all of a sudden be tied down when it was last on my list was a lot to overcome for someone who never really wanted children in the first place.

OF course I love my daughter now. :) when you get tired just remember that each age has a stage and just when you think you cant deal with him staying up any longer he will want his sleep. Just like, just when you think you cant change another diaper he gets out of it just when you think the terrible twos never end they do. etc

Of course I really cant give advice on how to schedule in the married time when you have a child, because I never had to deal with that. Im not sure what help you have but maybe scheduling date nights every week or two so that you can really hear each other without distraction is the way to go.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Mina Wolf said...

The problem with date night is I'd need baby sitters! No family around here :/ We do try to get out for at least one evening when we do have family around though. That's gotta count for something.

7:31 AM  

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