Curveball

Life throws you curveballs all the time. Then, you live with someone like J and it’s not just life that’s throwing the curveballs.

We had an interesting conversation this weekend. Here’s the gist of it. Keep in mind, it was spread throughout the weekend at different times (this is an example of long meaningful conversations when you have kids).

Me: “I think getting off Birth Control in March is a good plan. I don’t want to wait too long after all. Being a diabetic only gets worse with time.”
J: “hmm, why not just get off right away then.”
Me, with a shocked look on my face: “Like, right away? Like, get off BC in October?”
J: “What sun sign would that make the baby?”
Me, blinking at him rapidly: “Err, Cancer. But seriously, October?”
J: “Well, I guess you get lucky and don’t have to deal with Three Gemini males then.”
Me: “Well, I have an appointment with the OB/GYN beginning of November, isn’t that good enough?”
J: “Nope, October. Call and see if you can get it pushed up.”
Me: “Can I know your reason for this sudden rush?”
J: “Well, we’re going to have another child. Might as well get it over with.”
Me: “It just seems so sudden!”
J, smirking: “Oh no, did I mess up your careful planning honey? You did say I could decide when to try for the next one.”
Me: “Okay, if you’re sure? I’ll call the Dr.”
J: “I’m sure, call the doctor.”

So yeah, I have an appointment for October 14th to get my IUD out. Let’s see what life will give me this time.

Children Make life Better?

I came across this article on the web the other day and decided this needed to be blogged about. I had actually been sent something similar to this before, while I was pregnant too. Would it have changed my mind in wanting a baby, definitely not.

What it did do, as does this one, is make me feel less guilty for not thinking that life is perfect with a baby. First of all, this post is so not about complaining about being a mother in any way. I adore my son and I adore being his mother. I’m thoroughly enjoying being a kid with him again and especially enjoy watching him interact with others. But parenting is HARD. Just like marriage is HARD. And my biggest pet peeve is no one ever tells you how it’s hard. Everyone has lists of what a wonderful thing children are. I’m going to list a few reasons why having children is hard. The scary part is, Z is only 13 months!

Z slept wonderfully his first 6 months, then everything went to hell. It’s really hard to function on lack of sleep.
I miss being able to go to a movie because I just can. I miss being able to watch a movie uninterrupted (note #1, having to pause all the time because I have a restless sleeper is a bit of a pain).
I miss spending lots of time with my kitty cat. Though I do spend time with her, it’s not a priority anymore. She’s probably just fine with things the way they are but I miss her and feel badly about the situation.
I miss being able to make an effort to look good. I tend to not have the time I’d like to have to get ready to do things. Sometimes, it’s literally throwing something on and hoping it doesn’t have odd substances in places I hadn’t noticed.
I miss gaming. OMG do I miss gaming sometimes.

Now, because I do adore my son, some of the things I love about being a parent:

Snuggling with an adorably sleepy baby.
The Family bed: Mornings when I wake up to Me, J, Z, and the kitty cat.
The things that you’re forced to do because you have a baby/child, and find you actually really enjoy them. An example is going for walks around the neighborhood and in turn, making friends.
Watching him laugh at the silliest things (I think he went through a stage where he would giggle every time I sneezed).
Watching him run toward me on unsteady feet just for a hug.
Watching the two men in my life delight in each other.
Seeing my eyes in someone else’s face and knowing that I gave it to him.


But that’s just me on a personal level. Then there’s my relationship with J. I think our issues stem more from the fact that we don’t have time for the “relationship” the way we use to. We don’t have time to share activities we use to. As he gets older, it’ll be more that we’ll disagree with small things that have to do with taking care of him and raising him.

I think your happiness in having, or not having a child, has to do with a few things. First being choice. Not everyone has one. There are quite a few parents out there that have an “Oops” child. After that, it’s what you want out of life. I had this idea of what I wanted out of life and it included a child. Yes, things change and adapt as you grow and learn. But some things don’t. I knew I wanted a family. I know I want to travel. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with J and enjoy many adventures with him.

We’re in the process of potentially buying a new home. Something we can “grow” into. Let’s see how that works out.

Post of Updates

It’s been a while. A long while since I posted. I have been feeling a bit like blogging again but I can’t say for sure that I’ll really stick around. To be honest, I’m not sure if anyone checks this site anymore anyway. Just in case though, I’ll post an update.

My son Z just turned one earlier this month. I adore him to pieces but I find that motherhood was a bit tougher then I anticipated. As of right now, I don’t know if I could handle another child. Thankfully, I don’t have to make that decision at the moment.

There have been about 4 couples that are fairly close to us that have split up (or are on their way to) in the past year. One was a “finally!” The other two were a “Really? That’s too bad since there’s kids involved.” And the last is a complete smack in the face. A couple with 3 children and have been married for 17 years. It hits me harder sometimes because things have been tough with J. We’re adjusting to life with a baby. We’re learning now to be selfish with him and each other. Or at least, I think we need to learn that. I know in my heart that it’ll pass and we’ll be fine. But sometimes, it just gets scary when you hear about other’s lives. And sometimes, I just want to make sure we try harder to make sure we get no where near the point the others are at.

I’m working and actually enjoying my current project though I’m cognizant of the fact that I do want a career I can take a bit more seriously. I don’t want it to be the primary focus of my life. But I want to be valued a bit more then I feel here. Not sure how or when I’ll pull it off with a baby though. Maybe when he gets a bit older.

We’re taking our first family “vacation” together this summer. We’re off to San Francisco for 10 days. I’m a bit concerned with how things will be traveling with a toddler. I’m also concerned that our frustration with the situation will come out with more bickering. But hopefully things will work out okay.

That’s about it for now. Hopefully I’ll have the time and the drive to post random posts. Meanwhile, I’ve been reading tons of trashy romance novels!