Baby turns Toddler

Each day I spend with Z, I find myself amazed. I find myself laughing all the time. Especially lately. Z is going from being a baby to being a Toddler. I'm excited and anxious about this time period. Excited because I get to see more and more of HIS personality come through. Anxious because there's so much pressure! I find myself constantly worried about his development. Not so much phyiscal development though sometimes his lack of fine motor skills does concern me.

I mean, there are all these guidelines oh what your child should know at what age. But no one tells you different ways to teach them these things. What if the one way they suggest doesn't work for your child? What if you're not doing it right? What if that's not what your child wants to learn at this point.

Jr right now, is all about walking and running. He does enjoy sitting down and reading a good book in between his circling around the living room which makes me feel a bit better. But for the most part, it's about pushing chairs around the dining room and running around as much as possible. So when is he going to learn those 3 to 5 words he should know by the time he hits 15 months?

Children Make life Better?

I came across this article on the web the other day and decided this needed to be blogged about. I had actually been sent something similar to this before, while I was pregnant too. Would it have changed my mind in wanting a baby, definitely not.

What it did do, as does this one, is make me feel less guilty for not thinking that life is perfect with a baby. First of all, this post is so not about complaining about being a mother in any way. I adore my son and I adore being his mother. I’m thoroughly enjoying being a kid with him again and especially enjoy watching him interact with others. But parenting is HARD. Just like marriage is HARD. And my biggest pet peeve is no one ever tells you how it’s hard. Everyone has lists of what a wonderful thing children are. I’m going to list a few reasons why having children is hard. The scary part is, Z is only 13 months!

Z slept wonderfully his first 6 months, then everything went to hell. It’s really hard to function on lack of sleep.
I miss being able to go to a movie because I just can. I miss being able to watch a movie uninterrupted (note #1, having to pause all the time because I have a restless sleeper is a bit of a pain).
I miss spending lots of time with my kitty cat. Though I do spend time with her, it’s not a priority anymore. She’s probably just fine with things the way they are but I miss her and feel badly about the situation.
I miss being able to make an effort to look good. I tend to not have the time I’d like to have to get ready to do things. Sometimes, it’s literally throwing something on and hoping it doesn’t have odd substances in places I hadn’t noticed.
I miss gaming. OMG do I miss gaming sometimes.

Now, because I do adore my son, some of the things I love about being a parent:

Snuggling with an adorably sleepy baby.
The Family bed: Mornings when I wake up to Me, J, Z, and the kitty cat.
The things that you’re forced to do because you have a baby/child, and find you actually really enjoy them. An example is going for walks around the neighborhood and in turn, making friends.
Watching him laugh at the silliest things (I think he went through a stage where he would giggle every time I sneezed).
Watching him run toward me on unsteady feet just for a hug.
Watching the two men in my life delight in each other.
Seeing my eyes in someone else’s face and knowing that I gave it to him.


But that’s just me on a personal level. Then there’s my relationship with J. I think our issues stem more from the fact that we don’t have time for the “relationship” the way we use to. We don’t have time to share activities we use to. As he gets older, it’ll be more that we’ll disagree with small things that have to do with taking care of him and raising him.

I think your happiness in having, or not having a child, has to do with a few things. First being choice. Not everyone has one. There are quite a few parents out there that have an “Oops” child. After that, it’s what you want out of life. I had this idea of what I wanted out of life and it included a child. Yes, things change and adapt as you grow and learn. But some things don’t. I knew I wanted a family. I know I want to travel. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with J and enjoy many adventures with him.

We’re in the process of potentially buying a new home. Something we can “grow” into. Let’s see how that works out.

Scheduled Blogs

The goal is to make the effort to at least blog once a week. Looking at my previous entry’s date, I’ll say starting now!

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because of how busy I’ve been lately at work. We’re in the process of doing an enhancement to our application and the business rules are known most thoroughly by me. So I’m basically straddling two positions. Software Developer and this new acronym called SME (Subject Matter Specialist). We’ve had a trip to Chicago for this project already and are hoping to deliver by November. So things are a bit hectic and busy for me. Especially since I only work 30 hours a week. But I have to admit. I really love it. I love the challenge. I love the responsibility. I actually really love working. Ideally though, I would work closer to home. The hour commute really does a lot to piss me off. Thank God I don’t drive it.

I’ve spent a lot of my down time reading blogs. Unfortunately, no Xanga blogs because it’s blocked from here. But I’ve found a new community. The romance novel community! All these people that have this love for romance novels and blog reviews and news about upcoming books! I’m so grateful they exist!

I’ve had plenty of friends in my life. I’ve been able to share different aspects of my interests and personalities. I’ve never really had any close friends that could share my love of romance novels so completely. I’ve had friends that have read a few of my favorites. But none that I could share the love of the genre with. And now, with the new paranormal romances, my craving for fantasy has been appeased with romance novels too! Anyway, my point is I’m very grateful to all the romance bloggers out there. I feel very much less alone then I use to.

My dream come true would be a book club though. One that meets once a week or once every other week. It doesn’t even have to be limited to romance. Oh well, maybe one day.

Now, to find a few RL friends that are ex-gamers as well. Life would be complete!